Recently a reader asked a version of this question in response to my post about Complex PTSD:
…I have been told by many doctors, therapists, psychitrists, and psychologists that I will always have PTSD. I have only found one person willing to help with complex ptsd. I am starting to feel angry that I have to live with the consiquences of someones distructive behaviors. I am starting to feel like their is little hope of ever having this cptsd to stop.
I would like to know the length of therapy that is expected for Cptsd.
I wish I could feel normal again and not relieve tramatic events, have issues with relationships, abandoment issues, and mental health issues….
My short answer to this question of cure is a resounding “Yes!”
My longer answer involves first mentioning that I am not a fan of the word “cure”, as I feel it is important to understand Complex PTSD not as an illness or even a disorder (despite the D) but as the natural, understandable result of repeated, prolonged trauma at the hands of trusted caretakers. That clarified, do I believe that healing and repair of the wounding take place? Yes indeed! Can those with complex PTSD live rich and satisfying lives? Yes! And in response to the commenter’s specific concerns, this can indeed include no longer relieving traumatic material and the ability to create and sustain healthy relationships.
This therapy work takes more than processing trauma, brief therapy techniques, or medication, although all my be useful at some point. As I have described in several prior posts, healing from complex trauma requires the development of skills and capacities such as affect-regulation, staying present with feelings vs. dissociating, self-soothing, and the ability to love oneself.
What makes this level of healing possible? A therapeutic alliance.
Healing complex trauma requires connection, attachment. The skills that are missing are missing because things went terribly wrong in early relationships, thus a different kind of relationship is required to master them now. The neglect, abuse, betrayal and just plain ineffective environment of your earliest relationships have caused you to develop complex PTSD. It is in the context of a different kind of relationship that you can identify, understand and ultimately heal the impact of your early experiences.
This different kind of relationship happens with the development over time of a good-enough therapeutic alliance. A good-enough alliance is not perfect (no relationship is), but it is strong enough to withstand the inevitable empathic breaks and ruptures. It is a relationship in which repair of the same takes place. Over and over again as needed.
Questions regarding the length of therapy are so common and understandable! When we are talking about depth work of the sort described above I believe it is important to prepare for a marathon rather than a sprint. I know that “it takes as long as it takes” is a very unsatisfying answer, and yet I know it to be true.
If your mental health professionals tell you complex PTSD is incurable or untreatable it is time to seek new providers! Find someone who understands the nature of this work and has the expertise you need. Pick a therapist who feels like a good fit and commit to talking about the relationship rather than fleeing when the going gets tough. Then prepare to hang in there for the long haul. You deserve it and it is possible!
Dr. Kathleen Young: Treating Trauma in Tucson 
Thank you for writing this, and especially for linking to your earlier post about Steven Gold’s work. I bought his book “Not Trauma Alone” a few years ago and, even though it leaves out some very important concepts and has some very serious omissions (it was written over 10 years ago after all), I think his approach and concept is absolutely ground-breakingly brilliant, and I hope that he will follow it up with the research to create the statistics to prove its worth and importance. It’s such an important concept, but it needs a business case for it in order for it to be included in public policy and programs.
Re: your point about a therapeutic alliance. I too believe that this is important, but for those of us with very serious abuse histories – especially those whose abuse doesn’t fit within the current PC ideology that seems to have prevailed for decades within much of the therapeutic community – this is an extremely rare commodity which is difficult, and ofttimes impossible, to find. My own experience has been that “good-enough” therapists gave me some comfort and possibly helped me to survive, but were ultimately harmful because they inevitably steered me away from the most traumatic aspects of my history, and prevented processing that I otherwise would have done. I think avoiding crisis is not always a healthy thing if it allows the truth about the underlying situation to remain unacknowledged.
Sadism. No-one ever speaks about sadism. Especially in women.
I don’t believe that the training most mental health professionals receive is adequate for them to be either willing or able to “go there” with their most severely abused clients. And yet, as you point out, the therapeutic allience adequate enough to heal CPTSD requires that. The mental health field is still riddled with references to depression and anxiety, and ‘unhealthy thinking’ with no corresponding mention of trauma and abuse, even though the root cause of a high percentage of that anxiety and depression is unprocessed (and unacknowledged) abuse. When you read the literature it seems that people like Casey Anthony, Eunice Spry, et. al. don’t exist, or at minimum aren’t significant or important enough to warrant mention in the psychiatric literature in terms of the harm they cause to their victims. Discussion of mental health issues in terms of public policy still come down, for the most part, to the ‘brain chemical disruption’ theory. Which of course puts the onus, focus and responsibility squarely on the victim and subtly (and sometimes directly) labels them as being deficient in some way rather than a victim of denied justice.
I’ve been watching with a great deal of interest (and frustration and anger) the recent movements/commissions/etc… here in Canada re: the need for more mental ‘health’ resources and treatment. It gets lots and lots and lots of press. But nowhere is the role of trauma and abuse and victimization ever mentioned except very very occasionaly in passing, and the few times it does it’s always in reference to increased rates of abuse against those who are already mentally ‘ill’. I’ve yet to see a single reference in any of the discussions of the role of trauma in creating mental illness. And yet we are the nation that produced Russell Williams, Robert Pickton, Karla Homolka/Paul Bernardo (in the US you know them as the “Ken and Barbie killers”), Melissa Alexander, and Dr. Shirley Turner (from. the documentary “Dear Zachary”). Even worse, we let Karla Homolka (a sadistic serial sexual murderer) leave jail after a mere 12 years with no conditions and no sexual offender status. So she has now gone on to have three children, sells baby clothes online (and dispenses parenting advice) to unsuspecting customers, and teaches youth as an ESL teacher.
Speaking from my own experience in IT, if you can’t correctly identify a problem’s root cause you’ll never solve it or prevent its reoccurance.
So I don’t know how we’re going to, as a society, get to the place where we can provide places of healing for CPTSD survivors if we can’t bring ourselves to even speak about what created that CPTSD in the first place.
My apologies for the rant here, after a post that is very positive and needed. I needed to get that off my chest.
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Thanks for the original article and for Birdfeeders’ response. I am 67 and pushed my way into getting a C-PTSD diagnosis just this year. By this time in life, I could teach post-graduate work on CBT, How do you think we survive this long? But the only real help I have found [so far]has been NM’s medical cannabis and horse therapy. I am also hampered by C-Hg poisoning,[as in pre-natal till now] which is making my life almost unmanageable, but there is also almost NO help for MCS/ EHS/ hypersensitivity in general. Social Security Poverty doesn’t help either: Medicare and Medicaid offer nothing for these crucially wide spread cultural DIS-eases.
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Kathairein, So glad I found your post and hope you’re well along the road to healing. I live in NM, close to your age, diagnosed w/C-PTSD 5 years ago with no help in sight. At this point, layer upon layer of pain resulting from betrayals, many losses, abuse, etc., has taken an unreal toll. The hardest part in all this is not having soul (a “safe person”) to talk to. C-PTSD in silenced isolation cannot heal but there HAS to be someone out there who will reach back! And you’re so right – Social Security Poverty (SSDI), Medicare and Medicaid don’t help matters.
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thank you, birdfeeder! That was no rant, but clear thought and necessary speech, about both society and therapy training…
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If You visit the discussion boards for PTSD; no way can this be healed. If you believe and literally say that, then it is your reality. Complex PTSD in my experience does not heal quickly or easily. It heals best if you can leave thought alone and trust for a while. It took me 6 months of using ACT therapy and meditating every day for hours just to budge this companion from childhood.
It is not easy and it takes someone who has willpower and is willing to take action.
It is very curable, I do not know about that word and see too many PTSD suffers get hung up in discussion about words like cured, victim shame. Let words be, they can exist on their own for a while.
If you just determine to try hard, then things shift and you suddenly take responsibility. I would share that just giving your all and trying everyday can elevate your life and enjoyment. Every breath you give to complex PTSD can never be recovered.
At my age that was enough to say no more power from me, not another breath. Stubborn I guess
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Did you go to a therapist for ACT or did you work through it on your own?
I found some info on it. And it looks like much of it needs to be facilitated by a therapist, but also notice commonalities with DBT.
I’m struggling with the symptoms right now and feeling desparate as I only have access to therapists through public assistance. And none of them have helped me heal much and in fact a couple of them have caused re-traumatization.
I’m so apprehensive to call anyone in the network now as I know none of them have a clue about C-PTSD. In fact the therapist who dx’d me, gave me PTSD as a dx on paper although she told me she knew it was Complex PTSD. But C-PTSD isn’t in the DSM and she was trying to help me out with a disability case.
She also ended up minimizing what I was going through as time went on, telling me I should join a gym to beat my depression. smh.
My point though is that I feel like I’m on my own. With no income I am not able to go out of network and as long as I’m symptomatic, I can’t work. (I was denied disability benefits too.)
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I too have CPTSD/DID, and have been in therapy since I was 15. I am now 52. I really began identifying my real issues after I went to treatment for my anorexia at age 29. It was like peeling an onion. Identifying and working through each layer brought me closer to the core issues-disrupted attachment, and trust in anything. Medication has been a god send and I am so grateful every morning when I take my few med; grateful that they are available.
As others have stated, recovery is a long road, because the damage is so deep. However there are treatment techniques that make it much easier to bear and bring healing faster. The techniques that I have found are EMDR and somatasensory therapy. Part of those treatments require very little talking. Talking is safe for me but being able to process the pain at a level where there are no words has been miraculous.
There are practitioners trained in EMDR all over the world. Training in somatosensory is just catching on. You can find an EMDR trained therapist at EMDR.com, and can find a somatosensory therapist on their website. Often times, the somatosensory therapist is also trained in EMDR.
I really encourage you to keep looking for help and working on yourself. I never thought I would have made it this far in my own recovery. The inner freedom I experience is well worth all the work involved.
Warmly
Phoenix
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In my world – I don´t have PTSD – maybe symptoms of “PTSD”. PTSD is in my world an analytic tools for me and others how want highlight parts of my being, my behavior, my experience, my feelings, my strategies for surviving, live and living by my self and in social context.
“I am starting to feel angry that I have to live with the consiquences of someones distructive
behaviors. I am starting to feel like their is little hope of ever having this cptsd to stop.I have
experience from other persons “distructive”
I have had the same thoughts as above as long as I can remember, until now. Now I understand I have been abused and had experience of distructive behaviors, in social context. I had accused my self of being abused, because I am not enough, a person who is going to love or respect. Some part of me feels like the devil inside me, and there fore I have got what I have earned.
Now I know that my earlier experience was too much for me, I havn´t the ability to handle my reactions of fear, threat , exposedness. Parts of or the most parts of my feelings and my body get stoned. The lifelong consequences of this has been dramatically for my life, meaning of life, my ability to live a good life, feeling good and be a living person. I understand I can not be free of how I experienced earlier situations, they is a part of human reactions. I understand I can not be free my pain, my strategies or way of handled my reactions are part of my possibilities of strategies or handlings. Now I have experience I can be healed, resolve my reactions, my strategies, my experience and my feelings, so I can be free from the past, from my reproduction of the past, from the closed way of understanding my self, the “reality” of life and living in social context and so on. I need to be aware of the present, my ability to have new experience of “reality” without the past prediction. I need help to deplore the part of life that has been taken from me.
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“So I don’t know how we’re going to, as a society, get to the place where we can provide places of healing for CPTSD survivors if we can’t bring ourselves to even speak about what created that CPTSD in the first place.”
Birdfeeder! That comment is a wonderful thing to see! So true. I asked my psychiatrist intern recently how much of psychiatric illness was actually normal abuse and neglect *effects* .vs. organic illness… I was pleased she answered with a guess of 80%. That’s a good start.
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I have to admit that my instinctive answer to the question, ‘Can CPTSD be cured?’ is No. ‘No’ because I’ve lived with it my entire life — beginning with a six-week premature birth and living my first three months in a late-1950s NICU. ‘No’ because the aftermaths of complex / multiple traumas are not a disease. They are the effects of grave existential injury.
Can a person with CPTSD heal? — Yes. The word ‘heal’ comes from the Old English ‘healen’, which means ‘to make whole.’ Even with all the damage that was done to my body and being for many years, I am alive … thus I am whole. Whole in one particular way. I have been marked for life by trauma, but that is not my entire personhood.
I have experienced many forms of therapy and treatment … and I have also been a therapist. I’ve come to see CPTSD as a condition (at least in my own circumstances) akin to remitting / relapsing multiple sclerosis –> There have been periods of relative normalcy and periods of traumatic reactivation … Both can last from hours to days to years. The condition in myself comes and goes; it has never left entirely. I live with it now with as much mindfulness, mercy, and volition as possible …
The best medicine for CPTSD? — Loving, safe relation with at least one other person. A therapeutic alliance, as you write, Kathleen, can be one such form of relation … and others are just as important — an understanding mate, a cherished friend, a beloved animal … and most of all, eventually, a loving and safe relation with oneself. This, I am learning, is the ultimate safe relation …
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Ohhh your comment is beautiful.
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This. My primary healing has come through my relationship with my husband. After 30 years in therapy and 21 therapists… I don’t have that much faith in the therapeutic alliance for healing myself. Therapy teaches me the tools I need to go off and figure out how to have relationships. Therapy isn’t the relationship that allows me real growth and progress.
Still trying to love myself.
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This is the most beautiful way I’ve seen C-PTSD described. I have experienced the same, it comes and goes, I have had long periods of stability followed by a major triggering event that sets it all on fire. I also recognize that the anger and pain following the trigger are justified considering all the trauma I’ve experienced. It’s a normal reaction to abnormal human behavior and the social injustices that follow, people don’t understand the pain and wish you could just deal with it alone in private. But when society ignores the injustices, that is very difficult to permanently reconcile with trust and healing. I have greatly improved in the sense that it takes much more to trigger me into complete distrust mode. But when something serious happens (like the sexual assault and resulting betrayal by a colleague that followed which led me to this board), I need time to process it and dissociating, I now recognize, would just repress those feelings I need to work through.
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Hello Everyone – I agree with the idea that no one is finally and completely healed from CPTSD. I have gone through better and worse periods with my CPTSD – but it is always there in the background – even in the better times.
I was diagnosed with CPTSD in 2016 and made a strong progress in my recovery at first. But about a year ago, I had a major flashback and I seriously wanted to end my life and had planned it all out. Thankfully, my wife stopped me and I was in psychiatric hospital for five weeks. I am now on four seperate medications and for the last four months have slept well (thank God – insomnia is a bitch!)
Now, I am about to have trauma informed yoga and EMDR. I hope this helps me to be more present in my body and to have less dissasociation.
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Birdfeeder I completely agree with your take on the mental health campaign in Canada right now. Why is there so little talk of abuse? Recently The Current did a program on non-military forms of PTSD, but still there was little mention of abuse. The host seemed a fixated on sexual harassment, which is certainly a concern, but I think that she missed the boat on highlighting other types of abuse.
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“The best medicine for CPTSD? — Loving, safe relation with at least one other person. A therapeutic alliance, as you write, Kathleen, can be one such form of relation … and others are just as important — an understanding mate, a cherished friend, a beloved animal … and most of all, eventually, a loving and safe relation with oneself. This, I am learning, is the ultimate safe relation …” Quoted frrom Jaliya above.
Yes , one can experience the ongoing daily healing from the trauma of CPTSD. I am in total agreement with the above quote. I have suffered from the devastating effects of childhood trauma, abuse and violence all of my life; but everyday I have experienced ongoing healing. I am a born-again Christian. Everyday the Lord has gently led me through these traumatic experiences. Don’t get me wrong that healing process has included many helping hands of gifted people, authors, therapists, etc. But it has been that commitment to my relationship and faith journey with the Lord that has led me to this restored life that I enjoy today. All of us human beings are dealing with various and sundry conditions. CPTSD just happens to be one that has resulted in very serious and devastating consequences in our lives. I am so blessed today to know that I wasn’t alone and a total freak as I struggled with the dreadful outcomes of these conditions. Knowing that the condition has a label and that I am not alone in my recovery from these mental health conditions has been a source of tremendous healing in my life. I am deeply blessed that the mental health community is starting to recognize the seriousness of this condition and taking the steps necessary to find answers for the benefit of all of us who have suffered from this trauma.
Yes, I can and will testify that recovery from the damages of CPTSD is possible but it will take time and total dedication especially in the trying times. Persevere, I am here to testify that it is well worth the effort by God’s grace and mercy.
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I read through this post as well as the original post on C-PTSD and the comments before starting this reply and I have to say that your statement that PTSD or C-PTSD can be ‘cured’ or ‘healed’ is very misleading. Can the symptoms of either be managed to the point where they almost never come up in day-to-day life? Yes. Can it be ‘cured’ in any sense of the word?
My understanding (admittedly a lay understanding) is that PTSD is caused by a particular remapping of the brain that is actually rather rare among even severe trauma sufferers. To ‘cure’ it would be a lot like trying to ‘un-cook’ an egg.
A combination of long-term therapy that includes learning management skills and medications, over a significant period of time can help alleviate the symptoms caused by triggers to almost nothing, but it also takes a great deal of self management and discipline on the part of the sufferer.
For me, I suffer from Delayed-Onset PTSD as a result of my non-military experience as a photographer in 1989 Beirut. In therapy, my childhood experiences in an abusive household with an alcoholic, violent Vietnam Vet father and a staunchly religious and emotionally distant mother led to the additional quasi-diagnosis of C-PTSD.
In either case, to talk of ‘healing’ from it or being ‘cured’ of it seems to be unrealistic when the focus should be on dealing with it and managing it.
Would love to hear what you have to say, though this is already an old post.
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What I have to say is that yes indeed people with PTSD and C-PTSD can completely heal. The uncooking an egg is not an apt analogy. We have learned (and keep learning more) about how trauma re-wires or re-maps the brain. What we also know is that the brain can be re-wired and re-mapped (check out information about neuroplasticity)! Long-term trauma focused therapy and other things I have written about (mindfulness, meditation, gardening even) can have this profound an impact.
And in addition to what the research has to say, every day I get to witness trauma survivors living this reality of healing from trauma. I wouldn’t encourage this path if I did not know it to be realistic and attainable.
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Dr. Young,
45 years of trauma, abuse, neglect… Is there hope for my CPTSD at this late stage in life? With all of these years behind me?
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I firmly believe that there is always hope! Actively participating in trauma-informed therapy can help at any point in your life.
Best wishes to all of you as you look for what you need! Remember to honor your strength, the strength that keeps you looking and trying again!
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I am shoveled with PTSD………since early age. Guns,knives against my life…..hijacked on airline. Beaten and raped in early years. Never said a word. Had to throw baby away by teacher whom raped me………Delivered myself………..Beaten in later years. All kept inside and kept on working at a high level job. Now…………coming apart………………alcohol started it at age 33. Been to rehaps……….not the best in town…………….all from jails……a shock. Never jailed,arrested just hurting and a drunk to forget. Witnessed deaths, on and on. At the end of my rope. No antidepresent helps…………….severe knee jerk reactions…………always apologize for the shock factor I present. Terrible Panic Attacks………….extreme. I do need help. I am 66 and tired. A Believer………..which has kept me searching for an answer.
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Wow Anonymous normally I totally don’t reply to these things because it’s my parent’s computer and I’m scare they’ll see my posts… nor do I vote for the X factor or Big Brother because I’m rebellious and non-compliant and I figure if they’re going to win they’re going to do it without my vote… however your post COMPELLED me to write to you and send my love!!!!!!!!! Libby xx
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Just found this again…………thank you Libby. I have been thru so many office doors of so called shrinks,pastors,counselors and almost gave up. I cannot as my faith in our LORD condemns that. Finally getting some decent help…………I think. Only been two weeks.
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Good luck mate. xxLibby
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Thanks for sharing. I am 60 and have done more work on my trauma in the last year than i have done in my life. My life is not taken up with kids, agenda’s. Less responsibilities have opened the door for the long journey to healing. Like Jilaya posted: “The word ‘heal’ comes from the Old English ‘healen’, which means ‘to make whole.’ There was not the information 30 yrs ago to even know what the hell was wrong with me. Simply that i was an alcoholic. In retrospect drinking kept me from committing suicide but also contributed to my insanity. I can no longer suppress the grief and memories. I am currently reading ‘Internal Family Systems Model’ Richard C. Schwartz,PH.D. It has been really instrumental in helping me understand how many personalities I have in place to deal with just living. I am in a survivors group and doing one on one therapy. The irony is no one knew how fucked up I was/am. Like you I sucked it up and never went inside. I didn’t want to feel or understand the damage done. I recently had a major trigger 3 weeks ago that has put me in a state of shock and despair. Full body memories as if i were experiencing the traumas that happened 57 yrs ago. I have spent the last 3 weeks trying to figure out what happened to me. I don’t want to leave the house for fear of being exposed to any ‘triggers’. I am practicing self care and nurturing myself. taking two baths a day. not drinking. feeding myself. I have disengaged from the world for now. not isolating per say, simply having a safe place to grieve.
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I continue to have hope as well and yet am tired of the struggle of hanging in there in hope that eventually I can be healed.
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I am having difficulty discerning which of my 2 most traumatic experiences is the crux of my Complex Trauma: intense and severe bullying or several near death medical experiences during the course of, and post bullying. Could it be a combination of the two? Fortunately I have a loving husband who has stood by me through more than I would expect anyone to withstand and he’s very adamant that he’s going to help me with handling my CPTSD. But I still do not know exactly where the trauma comes from? Others are likely to scoff at the bullying aspect and all I have to say to them is “you weren’t there, every goddamn day”, but I do believe it plays a big role in who I am today. But I have also experienced sexual assault and an abusive relationship, which do not seem to have had much of an effect on me. My psychologist suggested that it is everything. Could this be possible?
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I think one of the major problems with “curing” C-PTSD is simply the fact that many sufferers don’t have the money–or time–for therapy. I don’t have the money for therapy, but have been lucky to have the time recently (in an MFA program), and the ability to finally write about it.
I was once diagnosed with PTSD, but it’s pretty clear to me that what I suffer from is C-PTSD. I had a traumatic, extended illness as a child, and was told I was mentally ill (I was not). I was painted as the “bad one” in my family, the black sheep. I had a very difficult relationship with my father; I know he is only human, and I was a rebellious child even before I got sick (he had an abusive upbringing himself, and I can only imagine this made it difficult for him to reconcile with me, and that in fact he projected some of his feelings about that abuse onto me, his young daughter). As a result I always sought male approval while also being extremely resentful of (especially male) authority. I was a victim of rape/molestation/sexual assault many times, starting at a young age. I was also in a long violent relationship as a very young woman, with a young man who was in turn abused by his father. I have had difficulty in establishing closeness with men, despite my sexual attraction to them; I alternate between promiscuity and a fearful celibacy; I have sought out abusers; I find it impossible to stand up for myself when being attacked, though I have no problem at all standing up for others. I long to be in a loving relationship with a man one day, but it feels impossible. I am struggling right now just to love and care for myself, and not feel bad, broken, ashamed, guilty, and worthless. However, I have had many loving friendships with women, which I take as a hopeful sign–that people see something in me of worth, and that I am capable, in fact, of loving someone back. Though even with them, I guard my heart carefully.
I have a tendency to project my extreme anger onto innocent men, particularly those who incite both attraction and mistrust in me. I wish I could afford therapy. I only hope that my writing will help.
I have also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and am currently figuring out the medication for that. But the C-PTSD–the ongoing problems related to the trauma I’ve experienced (both disassociation and rumination, at different periods, and attachment difficulties)–it’s good to know at least that that is what’s going on, and to try to be cogniscent of it, so I can begin to change those behaviors. I can’t change what happened in the past, but maybe I can change what happens in the future.
Good luck to everyone here.
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And to you. x
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I just found this sight and am grateful for the postings. I liked Jaliya’s post about ‘healing’. ‘to be made whole’. this can work for me. At 3 yrs old i was tortured/traumatized. At 12 yrs old had a stepfather that sexually, psychically, spiritually abused me. I had a recent traumatic event i witnessed that sent me to one of the darkest places i have been. I have drank my way through life. I would quit then start up again. I have done little therapy up until a year ago. I have never been so paralyzed as I am right now. what i am doing now is integrating these fractured split off parts of myself. Lots of excruciating grief work. i practice many many tenets of spiritual practices from native american, buddhism, taoism. However i tether myself to Christ and not Christianity. If i thought there was no healing i wouldn’t be on this site..
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Back again! If any of you love to read … Peter A. Levine’s book, ‘In An Unspoken Voice’, has been a life- and sanity-saver. It’s my trauma ‘bible’. He has poured over forty years of personal experience, expertise, scholarship, and therapeutic / professional practice into this book.
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thank you for writing this. as someone who struggles with PTSD form abuse it is helpful to hear someone be optimistic about the course. My therapist tells me similar things, but maybe the more times I hear it, the more it will sink in. thank you!
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The question is can you grieve the loss.
You much first bring the loss into consciousness. It is not remembering as you can not not remember what you have not brought into consciousness. Then you need to learn to grieve. The bringing the experiences into consciousness does get easier.Preparing to grieve and recovering from grieving gets easier as you learn and experience. The grieving does not get any easier.
For me I now grieve every loss, the ones from before and the ones that happen each day. I do not fear loss in the same way as I have a sense I can grieve that loss.
Note: My “caregivers” were human traffickers tied into MKULTRA form birth. Cages until age 3 then closets until age 6 when not at MKULTRA facility. Moved when I was 14 and was able to avoid the traffickers after than. The hardest thing for me is to grieve the murders of those I loved and my loss. This included everyone I loved before age 6.
I have not healed. I believe I will and when I have I will know. It will not be defined by anyone but me. I will know.
It is my believe that each extreme trauma/loss breaks off a part of my soul which much be retrieved and this includes past lives. The broken off part of my soul is retrieved when I am sadder than sad. So sad I do not believe I can survive.
“We Have Come Far.” is an anthology written by some who have experienced extreme trauma. I am one of the authors.
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I value what you have written about your process and path. I especially like what you say about being the expert on what healing is for you! Thank you for sharing the name of the anthology you have contributed to!
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You are most welcome.
I did for years wade through what was thought to be true about trauma and became and expert about the study of trauma and found it wanting. It was hard as every time I achieved the neurological plasticity necessary to heal and the memories would come the current understanding of trauma was at best not applicable. In effect achieving the neurological plasticity was wasted. A state of neurological plasticity in an adult is seen as bad as it is not normal for an adult. Some call it not being present etc.
Some tie this state into dissociation a term from the 1800 century to describe the weakness of character in women who had hysteria and later modified I assume by someone who studied Jung as a way to protect that was no longer needed. . .
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Hi, Michael–et al: All I am certain of is that I have worked hard in therapy for five years with a psychologist who specializes in helping people heal from trauma damage, and I no longer have the PTSD symptoms that had made my life so miserable and caused me to stay in my apartment because I didn’t want to be triggered. In therapy, I first worked with my ego states to bring them closer together and to get them all focused on working on my behalf. After defragging my personality parts, I was able to benefit from EMDR. Now I am no longer experiencing PTSD symptoms, but if I should, I know how to work with my ego states to bring about equilibrium and peace within myself. Since finishing therapy, I have been through experiences that would have triggered my symptoms in the past, but now I am strong enough and have healed to the point where I can deal with life and not be afraid of being triggered. I am seventy-five years old, and the traumatic experiences began when I was born and unwanted by my parents. I endured child sexual abuse and neglect and married an abuser. So, as you may imagine, I had a lot of work to do in therapy. Neuroplasticity? Without that would I have healed at my age–being an “hysterical female”?? I know the answer to that question. You are welcome to your own answer.
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Sigh. It is clear to me that without the “therapeutic alliance”- a loving safe relationship with at least one person any hope for relief, much less a “cure” is pure fantasy.
I am 65 and have experienced debilitating anxiety and panic my entire life. But I always managed to cover it and lead a relatively functional life. Three years ago I fled an emotionally abusive relationship . I honestly, but naively believed that with time, the toxins would eventually dissipate and I would return to a “normal for me” level of functioning.
I was so very wrong. Maybe that relationship was the last straw, or maybe we just don’t bounce back as well as we age. But three years later I find myself still virtually immobile-paralyzed with fear, and agoraphobic. Worse, I am deeply depressed for the very first time in my life. My business, my physical health –my life–is in ruins.
I found the label and the concept of C-PTSD during endless hours of searching the internet looking for for clues not only for what might account for my pain but also how I might find help. I did find some small measure of comfort knowing that a “label” exists for this cluster of symptoms/feelings and for the experiences from which they emerge.
It is intuitively clear to me [along with what has been written] that without that “therapeutic alliance”- a loving safe relationship with at least one person – any hope for relief, much less a “cure” , is simply not possible.
I have been searching for close to a year for a therapist within 10 miles of me who is EMDR certified, and/or has even heard of C-PTSD and accepts Medicare patients. There is only one! And she is not accepting new patients.
All the theoretical discussions about what may or may not help, cure, work, etc. are just that-theoretical. It is a very cruel joke that in the real world, us “seniors” who may just now be realizing that our lifetime of struggles and our current pain may very well fit the C-PTSD diagnosis, that the “therapeutic alliance” is simply unavailable.
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Hi, Kiva! I can relate to and understand everything you have said here. I am about ten years older than you, and I began therapy specific to C-PTSD about five years ago. I’ve written about my experiences as I’ve gone through therapy and have blogged about this so that others could see that healing is possible even at my age. However, what you say about finding a therapist with the skills to help you is, unfortunately, exactly the case. After seeing 16 therapists and getting no diagnosis, I finally found a person with the skills, insight, and experience to help me. The bad news is that a big city is usually where they are. If you don’t live in or near a large urban area with a big research hospital or other appropriate facilities, you may not be able to connect with the right person. I found my therapist in Portland, Oregon. I don’t like living in a big city, but doing that was worth it in order to get the help. Now I’m back in a small town.
In this geographic area where I live now, the only therapy people do is short-term behavioral therapy with medication–not the best for C-PTSD. Also, most of the therapists don’t even acknowledge that C-PTSD exists because it is not in the DSM. If it’s not in the book, then it doesn’t exist. I would have to travel to Portland or Seattle to get the help if I needed it now. The only place where I have found anyone who believes that C-PTSD exists is the local community college. If you live in a small town near a community college, you might try the psych department instructors and see if any of them can give you a referral.
The fact that you actually have done the research to find your diagnosis tells me that you really have a lot of insight into your condition and want to heal. This quality of yours will help you stay on track if you do find a therapist. Because I worked my tail off and did much of my own work at home, I managed to alleviate my symptoms, including the agoraphobia, and heal to a point where I could take care of myself if I felt distressed. That’s as far as I wanted to go in therapy, so I met my goal. I wish you the best! You are never too old to begin the healing process! And if you continue to look, you will find the right person to help you. Don’t give up! Jean
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I just found this post. I realize it was written a while ago but, I am a survivor of C-PTSD and yes I do believe it can be cured. Even as in my case, with the first 7 years of my life memories blocked out. Hypnosis didn’t work. In fact, EMDR didn’t get there the first two times I tried. But the 3rd time was the charm and finally we hit the root trauma that everything else was growing on top of. It’s pretty amazing to walk out of that after over 20 years of struggling.
Thank you for writing this…if only for the selfish reason that I have validation that YES it can be healed.
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Hello. This is a bit of a shot in the dark I know as your reply is from last year, but if you still come back here, could you tell me if the root trauma you uncovered was something previously unremembered from that 7 year amnesia period, or was it something you knew had happened? I have tried about 6 different therapies over the last 12 years with no results, and there is a ‘core’ of wordless, dissociated feelings that seem to flash up and overwhelm, then just leave me blank. Many of my therapists believed there was a core trauma that started it all, but there is nothing I can put my finger on in a clear, “felt” way. There are only guesses – “maybe it was that, or that, or bla bla bla”.
I would love to know if EMDR somehow connected you to that root trauma in a very clear way, especially if you previously could not identify it. Hope you don’t mind me asking, I’ve been desperate to find an answer.
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Since this sort of trauma means that we have no functional relationships with other human beings (I’m still shocked that others who went through what I did can trust another person — or yourself —enough to ever date or make friends), not to mention that affording more than a few months of therapy without bankrupting oneself is impossible, I vote “No.” We all die alone and in misery, just like our parents wanted us to…
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I have good relationships with my four children, we are close. My oldest daughter is a teacher and my sons are just starting out in life. I have a loving and caring husband and I am very grateful for him as well as for my friends. Friendships have always been a struggle, but so is life. I refuse to give in to defeat. I don’t care what our parents wanted for us. The way I see it, God brought me to this place and time and for a reason, and I intend on focusing on getting better. Life is a gift, every day is precious no matter what we have come from. I have severe PTSD as well, but I say we live! We are not alone. I believe we can be healed and I for one refuse to believe otherwise. Don’t give up.
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My experiences as an 80 year old early age chronic trauma survivor now learner I: CPTSD experiences can be accepted and integrated into your belief system with long term commitment to uncovering traumas from early life that trigger fear and anxiety. A trained trauma therapist who is compassionate and able to teach mindfulness meditation and self-hypnosis skills is very ovaluable. Joining a group of CPTSD healers can be very rewarding in developing insights for learning self-love and self-acceptance. Recommend reading The Haunted Self by Ono van der Hart and associates (2006) to get an understanding of how the developing a personality is damaged by chronic abuse and neglect. Never Give Up and Never Stop Learning/Growing. Journeyman 1/27/15
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I feel like I have reached that healing point! It happened last Thursday morning. I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing. I was just working, doing every day, normal things. It was exactly like a light switch was flipped. I felt a switch in my mental state and when it happened, I thought to myself, “hmm, what was that?” and I’ve kind of just been paying attention to it ever since. It’s the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me! I’ve been trying to manage myself for so long with mindfulness, treatment, medication, therapies like CBT and EMDR. What has helped me heal the most is my husband’s continued support. There was even one point we almost got divorced because of the complex difficulties. But his continued support had been that attachment needed for me to heal!
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So good to hear that there is hope for healing my cptsd. So hard to hear that the key is loving, safe relationships… Because the abuser works diligently to break down all my supportive relationships
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Can you find a counselor who you can build a safe, caring relationship with? It is so important to healing. You deserve it!
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I really, desperatly, need help. I have been unable to ever find a good enough person to help me. I always seem to fall through the cracks, and now I am discouraged and hiding.
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Hi – I have CPTSD and have only very recently become aware of this (I’m 58). I had about four sessions with a counsellor when we got to the subject of trauma. She told me I was “8 or 9 out of 10” severity of CPTSD with a 10 being the most severe. It has been a real shock. I have just had a bad flashback which was horrible and scary for about 24 hours.
I sensed something was wrong but was not precisely sure what. The counsellor I chose has experience in codependence, addiction, trauma and also has an extra qualification in the neurobiology, of addiction. These are all areas I have suffered extreme levels of.
I am about to start long-term counselling for CPTSD and I am scared. She has advised me to make sure, I have a strong network around me. I have taken her advice – I go to a 12 Step meeting which helps. My wife is very supportive and is prepared to pick me up after the counselling sessions in case I am in no fit state to drive.
I live in the UK and the counsellor is 20 km from my house – lucky me!
I am really moved, by peoples’ comments – CPTSD is just so deep and so painful!!
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I also have CPTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. My life (56) is and always has been a never ending rollercoaster of emotional flashbacks/black or white thinking/rages/self hatred/zero trust/social anxiety/suicidal/ruminating about the past. Its a horrible way to live with no relief available. You’d think that after having a childhood so bad that it gave you mental disorders, that would enough pain. I’ve tried RX’s/counselling/Essential oils/self help/stuffing down pain & feelings and NOTHING helps. So much was stolen from me and its just so unfair/wrong.
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This is a wonderfully thoughtful response! Thank you for posting it! After 6 months of CBT therapy and PTSD group, and reading over 7 books and countless articles by professionals and good clinics, I discovered that EMDR provides the fastest and most effective relief from flashbacks that defy all my tools of grounding, oscillating attention, absorbing senses in the things present, feeling textures or a chair’s support, minimizing, etc. And I did EMDR myself because that is how it was discovered, and it is that easy if you and hold the image without dissociating during it. But that question of will I ever be myself again really upset me along the way. Most sources say reduced symptom severity is as good as it gets with CPTSD, but now I have many non-symptomatic days. EMDR is now my first response if flashbacks disturb me in the future. For the first time, I think I might get over the symptoms!
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I agree with Dr. Young regarding the plasticity of the brain and one’s ability to re-wire. I’m 77, and I have done a lot of re-wiring in the past seven years. Although I am not entirely certain my CPTSD is completely “cured,” I am finally able, after working hard for five years in therapy, to live a life without the misery of PTSD/CPTSD symptoms. My preparation for EMDR involved three years of Ego State Therapy/Internal Family Systems Therapy. I put the two together because I did a lot of my work at home and wrote out the entire process of working with the “people” in my head. My ego states were the cast of characters or my internal family, and it was through working with them and their interactions that I made peace from chaos and defragged my psyche. Now they are, for the most part, working in cooperation for the good of my self. When I sense discord or disharmony, I go back into that place inside me by putting myself into a light trance state, and we all get together and interact to come to an understanding and find harmony once again.
I did, also, have a highly competent therapist, a clinical psychologist, who had experience diagnosing and treating people with C-PTSD. I saw her twice a week, and each time I read her my internal dialogue so she could witness my work and let me know if I was on track. After three years of doing this, she let me know that I was ready for EMDR, and for the rest of my time with her, we worked with EMDR combined with whatever else seemed appropriate. I no longer live in the city where I lived when I saw her, so I don’t see her now unless I have a situation and need her help–maybe two or three times a year, but I’m really doing quite well on my own.
About words or lack of words: When I first began therapy, I couldn’t use words, so I bought some oil pastels and did drawings to show my childhood trauma history. In the process of explaining the drawings, I became more comfortable with words and was also able to give my therapist a graphic record of the basis for my CPTSD. In doing my EST/IFST dialogue, I’ve written about 1,600 single-space pages in which I’ve recorded my inner people interacting to bring about peace and “togetherness.”
It took me over thirty years of seeing this person or that person before I found somebody who had the expertise to diagnose me. Once I finally got a diagnosis and was offered options for healing, then I could do the meaningful work toward that goal. Based on my own experience, I’d say that it’s possible to do the work needed to rewire the brain and heal trauma damage at any age if a person is willing and committed to doing the work. The first step is to make that commitment to oneself! Courage and sheer stubbornness help a lot, too!
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I am finding recovery is possible but truly a full time effort. I have cptsd and take dronabinol which eliminate most of my symptoms unless I am trying to endure a NEW trauma in which case it is supplemented by another med. Most psychoactive medications can make symptoms worse in my experience. Forming a bond with a life partner who loves and supports me has saved my lif… and given me real hope.
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Yes, it can be.
I agree with Dr. Young that the word “healed” is inexact. I entered therapy for the first time last year, at age 55. It was very very hard for months with twice weekly sessions, but finally I had a breakthrough. I’m not healed, in the sense that my past can ever go away, but with the help of a wonderful therapist (first one I chose: lucky break) I am, for the first time in at least 45 years, oriented towards the future from a position of hope instead of dread. I’m not ‘healed’ but I am experiencing something even better: I am participating in reality in a new way. It still requires self-monitoring on my part, of course, and consciousness of what it is I am actually feeling, but now I can differentiate feelings instead of just one global feeling of dread. I would not have believed it to be possible, but the therapy actually worked.
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Hi,I am 45,and am so glad I just found my therapist just weeks ago.I have been told I have c-ptsd..years and years of counsoling and I just found someone who says he can and will help me.he said it won’t be easy for him or myself but in the end,I will be ok.he also said not ever counselor is willing to deal with c-ptsd or know how to.he promises he does.i now have hope,and I have someone who understands and is willing to walk not in front or behind me but beside me.someone who truly cares.i just want to say,if anyone can help me,please,,don’t give up..u all are not alone as I felt I was..never give up.i have smiled for the first time the other day ..I don’t think in my whole life I have ever smiled or gave eye contact.anyone out here,u are not alone..and there is always hope and healing.no one can change what we have been through,but can help us heal..it won’t be easy or fast..just don’t give up..
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