Talking vs. Processing in Trauma Therapy

This post was inspired by a Twitter conversation I had with the illustrious cartoonist of all things therapy related, @TherapyTales, about this Tweet:

There us a difference between “telling” the story of trauma and “processing” through the trauma. One brings more pain-the other relief. –@zebraspolkadots

When @TherapyTales offered to draw an accompanying ‘toon if I wrote a post on the subject, how could I refuse?  The Tweet resonated with me as I do see this difference in my work with trauma survivors. What is the difference? What do trauma therapists mean when we talk about “processing” trauma? How is this different from talking about it?

Some trauma survivors come into therapy unable to share their stories. Others may recount their traumatic experiences freely, but in a manner that appears disconnected. It seems as if they are talking about someone else (and in the case of dissociative identity disorder, they may really experience it that way).  In these instances the facts are relayed without accompanying emotion and out of context.  This kind of talking about trauma does not promote healing and in some cases may even be retraumatizing. The goal of processing trauma by any form of therapy is to be able to decrease the high intensity emotional charge while creating meaning.

I touched on some of this previously when I wrote:

Trauma therapy does not only consist of telling your story or focusing on traumatic memories, though of course that is a crucial part of the work. Bringing trauma memories to mind, talking about them in a trusting relationship, and developing the capacities for managing them while staying present in the moment are all crucial parts of the healing process. A premature emphasis on traumatic material can in fact do more harm than good. Many trauma survivors may first need to learn and practice a variety of self-care skills that you can then employ during the memory work phase of therapy.

In the past, trauma survivors were encouraged to speak about their abuse in the belief that this catharsis would be healing. Sometimes this instead led to re-traumatization rather than mastery of the material or healing. In fact, some trauma survivors are able to tell their stories easily, but in a dissociated manner. Because of the risks involved, this healing work is best done with the help of an experienced trauma specialist who can help you learn techniques to cope with memories effectively. One goal of trauma therapy is to help you connect to the past while staying in the present.

To me, processing requires first having established a therapeutic alliance, meaning you feel connected and reasonably trusting. This allows for a corrective emotional experience: when connected you are open to noticing the therapist’s reaction to what you share and how it differs from your fears or the reactions of those in the past.

Processing also requires the capacity to be and stay present in the moment. Talking while dissociated prevents you from experiencing something new. Those with dissociative disorders have survived by keeping the traumatic knowledge, emotion and bodily sensations separate. You may even experience traumatic events as having happened to someone else, not you! Processing your trauma means experiencing it as yours. It involves holding all these aspects of the experience together.

Thirdly, processing involves an integration of experience that is a step towards creating meaning (a goal of the third phase of trauma treatment). For example, in EMDR, we talk about processing as holding an image of a traumatic experience, the associated feelings and bodily sensations together with the core negative belief about yourself created by this experience. The idea is that this can change the brain, the stuckness of the traumatic material, allowing for new learning to take place.

Creating meaning is key. Trauma disrupts so many things: the child’s developing sense of self, the ability to find  security in relationship, and the belief in a safe and just world. Creating new meaning means moving beyond trauma-based beliefs such as “I am bad” and “I deserved it”. Sharing your traumatic experiences with a trusted other, such as your therapist, is a step towards creating a different experience of relationships. Connecting with a larger, supportive, and validating community (such as a survivor therapy group or online survivor communities) can also be powerfully healing. As Judith Herman writes in Trauma and Recovery:

In the task of healing, therefore, each survivor must find her own way to restore her sense of connection with the wider community. We do not know how many succeed in this task. But we do know that the women who recover most successfully are those who discover some meaning in their experience that transcends the limits of personal tragedy. Most commonly, women find this meaning by joining with others in social action. In their follow-up study of rape survivors, Burgess and Holmstrom discovered that the women who had made the best recoveries were those who had become active in the anti rape movement. They became volunteer counselors at rape crisis centers, victim advocates in court, lobbyists for legislative reform. One woman traveled to another country to speak on rape and organize a rape crisis center. In refusing to hide or be silenced, in insisting that rape is a public matter, and in demanding social change, survivors create their own living monument.

Making meaning through activism can take many forms. It can be speaking up about daily experiences of rape culture. It can be writing a blog. It can be art. It can be breaking the cycle of abuse in your own life, with your own children. It is as individual as you are. And please remember: this is the final stage of healing for a reason. Many survivors would rather care for others than themselves. You need to do your own healing first to most effectively help others. Plus, you deserve to be the focus of your time and attention!

Kathleen Young, Psy.D.

If you are not already a fan, you can check out more Therapy Tales here.

This entry was posted in Abuse, Activism, Childhood Abuse, Complex Trauma, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, EMDR, Psychologist, Trauma, Twitter and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

31 Responses to Talking vs. Processing in Trauma Therapy

  1. tp says:

    Dr Young, talk to the Opra camp and get your system out to the masses. It is time to alert the whole of society of this major issue. Think of what an impact you can make to our precious but devastated sisters and brothers who have never made the first step to there healing process and also the people that are floundering (on their own) to clear the third hurdle. Thank you for you great work, respectfully, Tom Porter

  2. WG says:

    Hoorah! What a marvellous article this is.
    Good work Madam. 🙂

  3. Valerie says:

    You have stated this beautifully and very succinctly. I wish there was a way to get a reprint of this, as I am a psychotherapist who works with trauma victims and this would certainly help me to explain the process better to my clients. Thank you for this post!

  4. castorgirl says:

    This reminds me of when I first started therapy… I had read in an article that in order to heal from the trauma you had to talk about it. So I did. I described in detail an event, then sat back almost smiling that this “trauma issue” had been dealt with, and was no longer an issue. I was a tad disappointed when my therapist gently told me that telling her my history as if reading it from the newspaper, wasn’t the same as healing…

    Thank you for succinctly describing the difference between the telling and the processing.

    Take care,

  5. Kathleen and WG – I feel honored that one of my tweets became fodder for such an important discussion. Thank you for including and for expanding.

    WG – your work is truly brilliant!

    If I may ask/suggest? My twitter handle is plural zebras:)


    In appreciation for the sharing of wisdom,


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  7. Greg says:

    Just discovered your website and look forward to reading many more of your posts. Loved that you included Judith Herman and how well you distinguish between talking and processing. Thank you! I’m very interested if you have any experience, resources/research, etc of complementary medicine therapies (acupuncture, etc) making a difference in trauma.

  8. Tylas Raine says:

    Thank you for this post. It was very helpful.

  9. Fiona says:

    I have my first session tomorrow to do trauma therapy and I’m so glad I stumbled across this. My psychiatrist has said to me, “We have talked about all of this stuff, why do you need to talk about it more?” and he’s a psychiatrist of all people!! True, it’s not the same. I don’t know what trauma therapy actually involves, but I do talk about it now like it’s happened to someone else. It’s just words that I say. It doesn’t help take away the pain and horror that I still feel, or the feelings of shock and dissociation that happens, the flashbacks, not being able to stay here in the now etc.. I just hope I can do it in 5 sessions as that is all you can get now under medicare in australia! Thank you for giving me hope x

    • Oliver says:

      In my experience just because someone is a mental health professional doesn’t necessarily mean they have any skill or ability to treat trauma-related issues, they have to be trained in trauma-sensitive forms of therapy.

      • This is sad but true in my experience as well, Oliver. Not all therapists receive trauma training in their degree programs. It is often necessary to seek out continuing education related to trauma. This is one crucial area to ask about as you seek a therapist who is a good fit.

        Thanks for making this point!

  10. Josie says:

    I just started therapy after learning that I have a history of severe childhood abuse that I have blocked. Both my parents recently died and while they were ill and dying my siblings and I frequently saw each other. They began to talk about the past and some of the horrible things that happened. It has all been a shock to me. Anyway, the new therapist I see is wanting to focus on self care etc and now I understand why after reading this article. It makes sense. What a long road this is to travel. It takes a lot to keep going on it.

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  17. bjn17 says:

    I was recently told by my therapist that when I talk about my trauma there’s a disconnect in what I say. Now I understand better what I’m being told. I am very disconnected emotionally.

  18. jared says:

    My therapist used to tell me not to rush the “process” and for the longest time i didn’t understand what he meant. The processing of trauma that i have done all seemed to happen outside of the therapists office. I am a big supporter of therapy in general but I have learned that i am ultimately responsible for my own growth. It can be so painful that i understand now why my therapist used to cultivate patience in me. I am not a professional but i do have strong opinions about personal growth. If you are anything like me and you knew somehow that trauma has played a major role in your life i encourage you to stay in therapy….and be patient with yourself.

  19. Loren says:

    Thanks for this article. This explains why I feel like “Reporter Loren” when I talk about my history with a therapist, or to anyone really. Because I dissociate from even the emotion evoked from recalling and recounting the abuse, I think I have a tendency to come across as if I’m “okay now,” when in reality, I am NOT “okay.” My first therapist declared me “all better now” after about a year and a half of sessions — a large portion of which were spent with me sitting on the couch listening to him recount his own memories. Which was weird, but I don’t always know what normal is all the time, so even tho I felt uncomfortable, I didn’t know where the feelings were coming from and what to do about them. The second “therapist” declared me all better after nearly two years, and said his responsibility towards me was complete. I was devastated. Now, we’ll see about this third one. Not feeling too trusting of counselors right now….

  20. Sula says:

    Thank you for this post. I went into treatment for trauma/dissociation and wound up hugely re-traumatized vs. healed. Twenty months away from what was a two-year nightmare and I am getting places–finally. I have been seeing a trauma/dissociation specialist which has helped trememdously. I have decided to make my journey public which I am finding is helping others as well as my own self:

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